The fact that I hadn’t ‘seen’ it coming made me feel like an idiot! I am a psychology major, for goodness sake – shouldn’t I be good at reading people? I also felt stupid, I felt like the carpet was pulled out from underneath me.While my guilt overwhelmed me, I felt an enormous amount of anxiety at over the logistical aspects of my separation – would we cope financially? Can I raise my kids on my ‘ own‘? How will I manage on my own? Will I survive emotionally?.It’s more than just failure, it is accepting that you cannot, despite your best efforts make decisions and fight on behalf of another person. It has been harder to accept the fact that they are not where you want or expect them to be. It has been tough to love someone and accept them for who they are. The disappointment has been hard, the betrayal has been more than I’ve felt I could handle at times. I think the hardest part of this separation has been coming to terms with what is happening. Here are some words I wrote a couple of months ago to explain my feelings: Admitting that was what I needed make me feel incredibly guilty and ashamed like I was forsaking my wedding vows. I needed to get out of my destructive marriage for both my kids and I. What happens after you get out of the destructive nature of your marriage?
The inability to change to find a workable solution for our marriage.My ex’s bout of unemployment, followed by his new found inspiration to become a millionaire selling ozone machines in a pyramid scheme.The traumatic loss of my beloved dog, Chutney.My son cancer diagnosed at the beginning of 2015.My ex’s career moved that forced him to work 15 hour days.
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